Just Do It

Another interesting day - so that's getting boring already, they are ALL interesting days.

I finished the "main part" of my day with a family zoom call put together by a cousin. I wasn't sure that I was going to participate because I thought I had too much to do, but I did, and I was so happy that I did because the call was really great. I mean, REALLY great. It was so nice to see everyone. I am so lucky to have this family and it feels wrong that I never made more of an effort to hang out with them and get to know them. (thank you covid cause this NEVER would have happened - I think - without it). But that CAN be rectified. Not like my relationship with my next door neighbor Irene who passed away 5 days ago on Saturday. I guess I could still have a relationship with her internally (read my bio for this blog). I know that during covid it would have been challenging though we did 'see' each other a little, but even before that... we did get together. We went to movies and plays and out to eat once in a while. I really enjoyed Irene, and I could have made more of an effort to see her. But it's the 'effort' part that is tricky. What I want is to figure out how to get that internal urge to be larger so that that I just do it.

She is the one who turned me on to The Perfect Workout - the place I do my slow motion weight training, which I love, and credit with my wonderful bone scan. She also was my inspiration, once I started to have my nails done, to get fun things on them because she always had wonderful decorations on her nails that reflected holidays or just a whim. Her husband unexpectedly passed away a few days after we moved in more than 20 years ago. I never met him, but I know that he and Irene were soul mates, and they are (and I know this viscerally) together again.

People are where it is at, really, but I consider myself a loner. I often feel like I don't like people and don't want to be around them. But I think that's because I often feel guilty or wrong like I'm not doing friendship right. But I am now diverging in a yellow wood (look it up if you don't know the reference). It was a good path to go down, but that's not where I intended to go (which may be a good thing...  just go where it leads...), but I want to get back to the point I intended originally... HOWEVER, not doing that but staying the course I diverged onto could have been... but that is a conversation for another day or this will become a book! I am sorry for this inadvertent look inside my ping pong court of a head.

Where I started was Just Do It. I know, I have to give Nike the credit for that one, but they aren't wrong.

So... I finished the very nice zoom call I mentioned previously, and went downstairs. I thought I'd work on my Barcelona puzzle since I finished the 1000 piece USA puzzle - that was really fun, and challenging, and took a while to complete. I think I'm becoming more patient, for which I am grateful... (I almost deleted grateful and put appreciative... and THAT is another long story for a different time). SO... I was thinking I don't have to do my writing or any of the other things tonight, it's okay. My neck hurts, and I just want to relax. But as I sat there with my puzzle, I was asking myself - how will I feel tomorrow if I don't do it?

It wasn't a bolt of lightening from the sky or really anything much except that I decided that I really did want to do it. I wanted to do my 750 words (to keep the streak going), and I wanted to do the 1700 words I had to do on my NANO novel so that I could keep up to date and not have to 'cram' later. And I wanted to write this blog entry, though I didn't know what I wanted to write at the time. 

It's so interesting because there was nothing BIG that happened or guilt ridden or anything that MADE me get off the couch, turn off the news (it'll be there later), and go upstairs. I didn't do my piano or my Nia dancing or my Zentangle, but that's okay. Those are the things I am using to get myself comfortably and enthusiastically in the chair. And maybe tomorrow I will wish that I had done them. But I did the writing, and that is what was really important to me for now. I'm proud of myself for doing it, but it's a quite pride. I feel good, but that is also interesting. It's not a 'phew, now I don't have to feel guilty' good, it's just like. Hmmm. I did what I needed to do - it's calmer. It's a silent 'good.' It's not noisy or needing a fanfare or a pat on the back. I just did what I knew I needed to do.

This is kind of like my sisters. They do the political stuff they do because there is an inner urging to do it. So I believe "the trick" is to find that thing or those things that makes the inner urge more important than anything else, but in a peaceful way.

This is new for me, and I'm sure I will be looking at it again and perhaps more closely. But frankly, I am feeling really good, and peaceful, and calm, AND my neck no longer hurts which is interesting and can also become an entire blog post! I did take a break in the middle of my writing tonight to see if my sister had played her Scrabble hand, and to do a few tasks in "Wizard's Unite," by the people who brought you Pokémon Go. It's fun... and fun is way underrated.

So now - to the puzzle and the news...