Can I trust myself to know when I will need help?

 Age is a really weird thing. I am 68, and I am healthy. It is not beyond the realm of the possible that I will sign up to do another half marathon. A whole marathon - if I even mention that - sign me up for a bed at the place where they put people who no longer have the ability to make their own decisions.

I got an offer from Kaiser today to get one of those devices that will call someone if I need help. I looked at it for just a tad too long, and then sent it to my kid with a note saying 'what do you think?'

She said, 'I don't know what do you think?'

I responded. Well, I feel young enough, but I do live alone and if anything ever happened to me I might just be SOL (shit outta luck). I have a friend. She is rather old. In her late 80s or early 90s. I have a lot of friends up in the stratus-ago-osphere. They are pretty awesome, but they sometimes don't get that they need help. So I told Sarah, I don't think I need it now, but if I ever start to get a little batty and you don't trust that I'm going to do what I need to do, tell me, and I'll get one then.

I do have to say that once in a while I think 'what would happen if I fell and couldn't get up... which is what happened to this friend. A bunch of our other friends hadn't heard from her in a while and couldn't reach her, so some of them went over to her house and found her passed out on the floor. She'd been there for a few days. She is fine, more or less, now, but is living in a 'facility.' It's nice. She has her own apartment, but they check on you from time to time and there are a lot of other people around. She could no longer be in her home alone.

This has gotten heavy and depressing. But maybe making sure that all is or will be well is not depressing but smart. I don't think that anyone would say preparing a will (even when one is younger) or a trust if necessary, is depressing. It's smart. It's a good move, something worth thinking about and doing - it's like insurance.

So, to turn it into a more miraculous thought, I know I can trust that if I ever need that kind of "protection," I will know it because that little voice inside (that I am getting better and better at listening to) will let me know, and I will follow it. And until that time, all is well and I will just get on with my day.

And then, and I am just going to mention it - not follow it down a rabbit hole - A Course in Miracles lesson 135: "If I defend myself I am attacked." A conversation for another time. And I am about to go down that rabbit hole and read that lesson... maybe a conversation for tomorrow...