Figuring things out

Something happened today that feels really weird, and I don't know what to think, or how to react, or how to interpret it.

There is a person in my life who is a wonderful and amazing woman and she is one of my coaches. We are supposed to meet on Sunday and I happened to notice that she has another commitment during the time that we are to meet.

This was somewhat shocking as this person is amazingly organized and on top of things.

I e-mailed her about it and asked if she just wanted to cancel this Sunday, but haven't heard back from her.

So this is my dilemma. As I completely believe that we attract everything that comes to us, I am wondering what I am doing inside of myself to attract this. 

First, what am I interpreting this to mean in relationship to me?

I am trying to look at this with neutral eyes and giving her the benefit of the doubt, but also, it's about my time. I want to know if I need to keep that block free and show up on zoom, or if I can put something else in its space.

Sometimes e-mails get lost. At times I've had hundreds to go through and so it takes a while to get to some that might even be very important. I've found some e-mails that I needed in spam. E-mails from people I always get e-mails from including, once, my sister.

So first, how and why did I attract this? Brick wall... I'll think on it. 

Second, I have become aware that I am not comfortable with not knowing things that are supposed to be set. So I guess the question is, how do I become comfortable with and okay with uncertainty? Can I just live in the confusion, in the unknowing space? And not just live in it, can I thrive in it? Can I just hold on and be okay with whatever seems to be hanging in the land of the uncertain, and still stay present and thrive with everything else?

Many of us have been having to live in this space during the last 9 months or so. Covid and politics have changed our lives. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but it's all about living in the unknown and uncertain and managing to thrive and focus on what is certain and known and enjoyed. 

How can I ENJOY living in the unknown? How can I stop telling myself negative stories about things, and how can I make the stories be better? I am in cognizant dissonances. And according to Mary Hulnick of the University of Santa Monica, that is not a bad place to hang out. So how do I hang out there in joy? That is my next adventure.