Just One thing at a time

I will be reading the following at DimeStories on Sunday.

DimeStories is an event that takes place on the 2nd Sunday of each month. It is a forum for prose. An open mic that does not allow poetry (though sometimes someone will slip something in). It's been going on for years, but we stopped a few years ago, and during the pandemic, an enthusiastic soul decided to start it up again. I've actually been writing and reading... the reading is a three minute or less story that can be fiction, non-fiction or something in between. However it must be prose and one's own work.

I had started to write about wanting to leave Shouldland. But I was not happy with it and then the following popped up. So I will share it here and read it on Sunday. It is titled, as above, Just One Thing at a Time. 

7 years ago, I was driving on a relatively busy surface street in stop and go traffic. I looked at my phone, and hit the car in front of me. It was a government vehicle. I totaled my car. Thank God no one was hurt, but the guy I hit was pissed to say the least.

Previous to this I said I would kill my daughter for doing just what I had done. Hypocrite you say? Well yes. Guilty as charged. A year ago, she did the same thing. Now both cars that were divvied out at the same time, after my parents passed away, were gone – killed in the same manner.

But that’s not the point, just an example. Another example…

I was mugged by my washing machine door a few days ago. As in every good mugging, my nose was bleeding, my lip was split, I kind of freaked out thinking maybe my teeth or nose were broken. I went inside, grabbed a washcloth to catch the blood trickling out of my nose, looked nervously at my teeth and saw they were all okay. I grabbed a bag of peas and put it gently against my face. First the nose, then the mouth, then the nose then the mouth.

I decided I would go play cards with my friends anyway. I was late, and they wouldn’t be able to replace me at this late time. So I drove down the road - peas on mouth, then on nose, back and forth for the drive. We had fun, they were understanding, and I kept the peas handy.

The question: how did that happen? The answer: I don’t remember. I think I tripped, fell, and slammed my face into the washing machine door which I leave open so it will dry out. I only know that I fell because of the height of the door and my skinned knee - which it took almost a full day to realize I'd done.

But the why is easy. I was not present in the moment. Not sure where I was, but I wasn't present, and I don't know how or why I tripped. Just like I wasn’t present driving my father’s inherited car, just like I wasn’t present when I fell down the stairs a year or so ago, just like I am not present when I can’t find my phone, or my purse, or my earphones, just like I wasn't present when I broke the French press that cut my hand opened a few weeks ago.

For the millionth time in my life I decided I needed to do just one thing at a time. JUST ONE!

And I actually have been. Phone in the glove box, or at least in the door handle. No glances while driving. What I've become aware of is how my head just runs off by itself taking me from the present moment to somewhere else… where that somewhere else is, I don’t think I even usually remember. So I'm doing what I can, when I remember, to think about where I am and what I am doing. And so far, so good. I haven't had to drive back home to make sure my garage door was closed in two days (I did this Monday, and I am writing on Wednesday)!

I'm actually having better luck remembering where I put things, and realized I don't have to do everything at once. I can take things in from the car small armful by small armful. Since it's only been two or three days, it is new, and because my face still hurts it reminds me, I do not know how long this will last, but I am hoping that finally (I've been getting the slow down and pay attention order for more than 30 years), it has taken. I am 68 and I do not want to keep hurting myself. I am so very appreciative that my body is willing to take these beatings with few real consequences. But even after just 3 days I am feeling happier, healthier and safer.