What's gone wrong?

 I am having a really hard time right now. First of all, I know that feelings are just that, not 'real,' and definitely not permanent. So right now, KNOWING WHAT I JUST SAID, I am feeling alone and lonely and a little scared. Tomorrow is the first day of NANOWRIMO and I've committed to writing another novel. For some reason this feels really challenging this year and really scary. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe all the feelings inside me are just my characters and situations getting ready to explode on to the page or wriggle out onto the page? . I almost didn't write today, I don't want to turn this into a kvetch fest blog. But I made a promise to myself to write daily, and that is what I am doing.

I'm reading a really excellent book right now called The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. And just finished another one called The Nix. They are both complex stories and I think I've dumped myself into comparison mode... I know I need to dump that thought!

I just found out it's a movie. I'm not watching the movie until I finish the book, though I'm really wanting to find out where I can watch it... 

It is so interesting for me to watch my mind. I wanted to get the name of the author, so I just flipped over to google and googled the title and all that came up was a bunch of information about the movie. Uh oh - it's a scary/ghost type movie. I didn't get that from the book - at least not yet... 

So now I really want to see if it's on Netflix - be right back...

Looks like it might be a challenge to find. AND...

It's not a friggin' ghost story! Here is what the library has posted (yes I decided to see if I could get the movie there) A compelling emotional mystery about family secrets and the magic of books and storytelling. A dying writer bids a young bookshop assistant to write her biography.

OMG it's about the magic of books and storytelling!!! This is perfect! I'm feeling much better now. And also that I cannot get the movie at the library is also a good thing. I have enough on my plate with writing a novel in a month, the election happening in 3 days, a few big projects I need to work on over the next few weeks and a retreat in the middle of it...

I think I need to meditate more... need to start fitting in that 2nd meditation every day like I used to...

Hmmm... I used to... so many I used tos... I wonder what happened to make me let them all go. Wonder if I can follow those strings. Hmmm... another short story series looking at I used tos? Well I don't need to make a decision till tomorrow!

And by the way... "I wonder" is a pretty cool tool to use. More on that later!