Figuring things out

Something happened today that feels really weird, and I don't know what to think, or how to react, or how to interpret it.

There is a person in my life who is a wonderful and amazing woman and she is one of my coaches. We are supposed to meet on Sunday and I happened to notice that she has another commitment during the time that we are to meet.

This was somewhat shocking as this person is amazingly organized and on top of things.

I e-mailed her about it and asked if she just wanted to cancel this Sunday, but haven't heard back from her.

So this is my dilemma. As I completely believe that we attract everything that comes to us, I am wondering what I am doing inside of myself to attract this. 

First, what am I interpreting this to mean in relationship to me?

I am trying to look at this with neutral eyes and giving her the benefit of the doubt, but also, it's about my time. I want to know if I need to keep that block free and show up on zoom, or if I can put something else in its space.

Sometimes e-mails get lost. At times I've had hundreds to go through and so it takes a while to get to some that might even be very important. I've found some e-mails that I needed in spam. E-mails from people I always get e-mails from including, once, my sister.

So first, how and why did I attract this? Brick wall... I'll think on it. 

Second, I have become aware that I am not comfortable with not knowing things that are supposed to be set. So I guess the question is, how do I become comfortable with and okay with uncertainty? Can I just live in the confusion, in the unknowing space? And not just live in it, can I thrive in it? Can I just hold on and be okay with whatever seems to be hanging in the land of the uncertain, and still stay present and thrive with everything else?

Many of us have been having to live in this space during the last 9 months or so. Covid and politics have changed our lives. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but it's all about living in the unknown and uncertain and managing to thrive and focus on what is certain and known and enjoyed. 

How can I ENJOY living in the unknown? How can I stop telling myself negative stories about things, and how can I make the stories be better? I am in cognizant dissonances. And according to Mary Hulnick of the University of Santa Monica, that is not a bad place to hang out. So how do I hang out there in joy? That is my next adventure.

Happy Thanksgiving 2020

This was the Abraham-Hicks e-mail today - 

"Make the best of it. When you make the best of whatever you’re focused upon, your future will be better than your now. If each moment you’re making the best of what-is, no matter what it is, you make the best of it; make the best of it; make the best of it—your future just gets better and better and better, and better."

Excerpted from Boulder, CO on 6/7/03

Our Love
Esther (Abraham and Jerry)

I don't know that I need to put anything else. That is truly what I am trying to do now. Make the best of every moment, find something I like to focus on rather than holding on to the things I don't like and don't want to hold on to. 

It's Thanksgiving and it was a lovely day. I made a delicious turkey, my first ever, with my daughter and we had a lot of good food including a pumpkin pie that Sarah made though it was more like a pumpkin mousse lava cake. It was actually quite good, though a little weird especially if one is trying to call it pumpkin pie!

A really lovely zoom call with some friends and family where we sang the traditional Thanksgiving songs and shared gratitudes. Amazing what we can do on zoom that we couldn't even do in person - like get together with people who are far away.

All in all a lovely day and now, I am inspired to go to sleep... so who am I to argue!?!?

Much love all...

Happy for No Reason

 I'm feeling it again, that happy for no reason thing I felt years ago. I just want to go around and hug everyone which, this year, would have me thrown into jail I'm afraid. But yahoo... I am feeling so good. 

I am tempted to say, how do I hold onto this, but I think that is the thing that will kick it to the curb. I think the way to hold on is to just enjoy and appreciate. Wow. Life is currently absolutely amazing for me. Not that it hasn't always been. It probably has and I've just chosen to look somewhere else. It's not that I don't go diving into the gutter for moments at a time, but truly, it's now just moments at a time rather than days or weeks or months. I love this whole gratitude thing. Though I prefer appreciation as a concept, I am very aware how holding anything against a word or a concept or a person or an experience is the fastest way back into the gutter and you know what, I prefer it up here on my two feet slightly floating above the ground.

I am eagerly awaiting my daughter and her pumpkin pie to arrive sometime today, though eagerly would possibly indicate that I am trying to pull it toward me when I am fully cognizant that it will happen when it happens and that no matter when she shows up, it will be perfect. I feel so very blessed that she is in my life and I just relish any time we get to spend together whether it's on the phone or in person.

And what I wonder and long for is to feel that same relishing whenever I have the opportunity to connect with anyone of my species or really, any other. There is a great delight when I am walking and a dog who is approaching me looks so excited that I am part of his or her journey. It's almost like they're saying "Hey, You! Am I happy to see you. You can pet me if you like. I'd love to lick your hand!" It makes me smile and it makes me so appreciate this wonderful world.

I keep looking up because yesterday I created a zentangle that I can't keep my eyes off of. For some reason, I LOVE it. It makes me happy. They ALL make me happy to be honest. I am so filled with joy when I think about playing my little piano finger/note finding exercises, and when I do my zentangle. It just makes me appreciate so very much how finding these little things that make me feel connected to something bigger are so important to me. 

So I decided to include the zentangle page I am speaking of. The one that really fills me up is the one with the 'snail' on it. I love the others, but the snail one, for some reason... AND I love the remaining white space because that bestows the idea of possibilities - creations not yet created - but to come FOR SURE! 

Happy Thanksgiving all - I am thankful for anyone who reads this and everyone who does not. I am happy to be part of this messy thing we call life, and I pray, or at least hope that I have many more of these moments of being happy for no reason. AND, I think it's very interesting that I had this experience years ago, and then years later Marci Shimoff wrote a book by that title, and now I am participating (though not as full-heartedly as I might - which I am aware I am no longer beating myself up for - at least not in this moment) in her Year of Miracles class.

Love to peace and joy and blessings to us all. May the true spirit of Thanks Giving spread throughout our glorious country.​

A week of appreciation or gratitude or whatever word works for you...

 Pam Grout wrote a bunch of books. I've read a few - or parts of a few - and they are always uplifting and inspiring and for that I am extremely appreciative. I love when things make me smile. On her e-mail today, she told the story of a little boy who was enthralled by a caterpillar on a tree. When his parents told him it was time to leave, the little boy whispered to the caterpillar - 'good bye, I love you.' 

The other story was about a little girl who kept 'emergency confetti' in her pocket in case something good happened. I love that idea and might need to start keeping some emergency confetti in mine if only it helps me to look for good things that are happening!

The power of humor and love are inestimable (truly they are too great to calculate). 

So this one might have to do with the power of love. This is a little trick I learned from Dr. Sue Morter and Marci Shimoff. When you feel discomfort in the body or mind or emotions - feel where it is in the body - give it a little squeeze and say "I'm paying attention, I've got you," and then breathe into it, and then breathe up and down your spine and just hold for yourself and see what happens.

As Ron and Mary Hulnick of University of Santa Monica fame have said for years. Earth is a school. We're here to learn and sometimes learning has pain and frustration and all those other emotions that tell us we're not where we want to be, It's helpful to know that so we can start focusing on and moving toward where we do want to bee. That's funny, I wrote bee instead of be. I wonder why... and oh yeah... another amazing thing to do... WONDER... 

I heard a story from a friend years ago. Her sister is a lawyer and was trying someone. She said I wonder how I am going to get the information I need for this case... she just kept wondering... she was inspired, on the way to court that day to stop for breakfast in a little out-of-the-way coffee shop. She just happened to get seated behind the defendant and got all the information she needed.

Wonder a lot - I wonder how I will remember to use the skill of wondering. I wonder what the characters in my NANO novel are going to do next. I'm supposed to be done in 6 days, but I have 78 pages and have absolutely no idea how I can wrap everything up in another 18 pages! It feels like it will need at least another 78 pages... Hmm... I wonder how I can wrap this story up with a nice ending in about 18 more pages and 6 more days!

I'll let you know.

Awareness of little annoying things that I do

 I am starting to become really aware, in a different way than I ever have before, of the annoying little things that I do in my head. The judgments against, the snap judgments about, the mental snippiness and what is making me a little nuts is I don't know how to counter them, and yet, that's not true. Of course I do. I can do an immediate reality check. If I get snippy because someone is complaining a lot, I can just realize that I do that too sometimes, and that sometimes people need to get their feelings out and if I want to do something about it, if it is appropriate for me to say anything, I can ask, 'well what is it that you want?' That's a great question for me not to just ask others, but to ask myself.

When the snippiness starts I can simply ask myself 'hey Nance how would you like this to be, and does it really need to be any different?' The answer, I am sure will be that the other does not need to change a thing, that it is just my way of viewing it that needs to change.

Problem solved... now I just have to put it into practice and then report on it!

Taking stock - and mostly just rambling. Need to get this topic clearer in my head

 I am aware that I have been letting things go. I'm also aware that I need to make these words bigger so I can read them more easily...

This is the next size up. I think I like it. I think the large might be TOO big. So, taking stock. I became aware today, or not aware really, but I looked at the activities in my life and realized that I'm dropping things off the cliff that I thought I really wanted to keep doing, and I've already added things for next year that I'm wondering if I should be adding.

What I really got from all of this is that I need to make a plan and stick to it. I need to figure out what is important to me and why, what I am getting from it, and then either keep it in or say goodbye.

It's the clutter issue all over again. Time clutter I think is almost worse than paper and junk clutter. Time clutter steals life force - probably they both do but time is so limited, and then dealing with the other kind of clutter takes time so it's a double whammy, but when it's done, when an area gets cleared out, it does feel good. Tonight I went though all my coupons. I have a TON of Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons because they don't expire. But then last year I signed up for the program where you get 20% off of everything. I'm not going to sign up again for that until I get rid of the ones I have. And I'm not buying a lot of things from anywhere, so the coupons might not even get used.

I threw a bunch of coupons away and organized them so I can get to them easily. I'll see how it goes, but it felt good.

Speaking of coupons, I'm really not buying much these days. I've become aware of how little I really need. The only "stuff" I've been going after are my zentangle supplies. But after that... I almost went to Target today because I really like the foaming hand wash, and I'm almost out, but I have other hand wash products and I really should use those first, so I will.

I'm just rambling now, so I will sign off...

Did I say how much I love my life?

 The last few posts have looked at my foible-ish life. Today, I guess I pulled it together. So, the truth as I know it now.

1. Just do the shit - get it done - get it off my plate - don't just hang around waiting for it to somehow magically get done. Inspire myself however I can, just do it.

2. A way to create that inspiration is not to do general affirmations like - everything is always working out for me (though that is, fundamentally true), or Every day in every way my life is getting better and better and better, because those things - even 'I am healthy and happy' mean  Bupkis.

(Bupkis means absolutely nothing. It comes from the Yiddish bobkes, meaning nonsense or nothing, and it emerged in English during the early 20th century. It began as North American Jewish slang, but it's now used more broadly, often for humorous effect.)

Don't know if I created a humorous effect or not - but I really like the word. I really want to learn Yiddish (as if I don't already have enough on my plate - I actually have room for Bupkis!).

So... I had an interesting experience this morning. Mornings, during or after my meditation are always, it seems, times when interesting things happen. I woke up feeling sickish again. Took my temperature - lo and behold I had a fever 99 degrees (okay, not much of a fever). There was a part of me that was thrilled - after all I'd been spending so much time thinking I was sick - this was proof! I WAS sick! It wasn't just in my head. Law of attraction at work. My sinuses were feeling pretty awful so I decided to listen to Abraham (Abraham-Hicks) and 'take the drugs, dull the pain... and do the emotional work'. The emotional work turned out to be making the decision to feel better and to do it using specifics. Not a general 'I feel good' affirmation, but focus on what was actually feeling good. I realized, and this blew me away, that my toes felt good! I have been having neuropathy in my toes for ages (looking for and attracting the negative). Sometimes they really feel horrible, but I realized that they were feeling normal. They were feeling just like toes. It was so exciting, and then I said to myself - "It is so great that my chest is a little tight because I can actually feel my lungs and my heart" and I meant it! I started to mention other things that I appreciated and that felt good and lo and behold - the law of attraction said "Well finally!" and dragged me into a feel good day. 

I then had a full day of zoom meetings (that were all great) and an Abraham-Hicks seminar (where of course some of what had happened was described and discussed) and things turned out pretty great, except that it's already 10:30 and I have not done my NANO novel writing. Oooohhhh I can say that better (as Abraham loves to say). I love writing later at night. I feel that I am closer to all those wonderful souls who are writing with me and who have passed on to the other side and who were brilliant writers and looking for someone to help... so here I go... right after I hang up this blog phone, I will, and you know what, I think it will be great! Cool - I just heard Tony the Tiger in my head as I wrote that it would be GERRRATEEEE!

So Pollyanna is back! And I am thrilled to house her forever in my body. And she is cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving for herself and her daughter with lots of other wonderful things like sweet mashed potatoes and stuffing and gravy and pumpkin pie (not making the pie), and it is going to be great.

Did I say how much I love my life?