I'M BACK - I HOPE FOR GOOD THIS TIME!

Wow - it's been a really long time since I last wrote in this blog!  2017. That date is becoming an interesting anchor point for me, ... but more about that later.

I am feeling the need to move back into miracle mindedness. Back into a state of consciousness where I create my own reality rather than being thrown around by the winds of chance. And this blog is a way for me to hold myself accountable. As the title of my blog declares, and as A Course in Miracles states... WHEN THEY DO NOT OCCUR, SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG... (miracles, that is)

I had a rough patch after spending some time with the RNC last week. I couldn't shake my depression, though unlike other times I was still having moments of clarity and of wanting to connect. I did my 10,000 steps, I did my weight training, I ate well. I did not use this as an excuse, and then I went on an Inner U call with an amazing woman named Kimberly, and somehow realized that I had to pull myself out and that I wasn't alone, and that the problem was that I kept looking at what I did not want, so I changed that. I created my own Dream for America. I wrote it out, rewrote it a little, and then rewrote some more. They were mostly just tweaks. I had birthed it pretty much whole and complete. And I want to share it with you and I want you to write your own. What do you want to see? Make sure what you want to see is NOT sprinkled through with what you don't want. Those things are insidious. They just sneak in there, grab us and turn us into raving lunatics!

You can use mine too, if it speaks to you, and maybe make some changes that suit you better... 

DREAM FOR AMERICA

America is a strong and noble country guided by principles of peace, loving, caring, generosity, participation, learning, and growing. We are well respected by other countries, and are leaders and important participants in transforming and healing our one lovely planet. On all levels from interpersonal relationships to climate change, to strengthening and updating community infrastructures in the United States and around the world where appropriate, we are thriving.

Our leaders are strong, intelligent, caring individuals who have the well being of all of our citizens in heart.

Our country is filled with flourishing small businesses and honorable, generous large businesses that care about and support the communities they exist in, their employees, and those who purchase their products and services.

Our neighborhoods, schools, and communities are successfully integrated and filled with our diverse population including those from many different races, religions, gender orientations, and belief systems. People have as their goals not just taking care of themselves, but also taking care of their families, those in their communities and those whom they might serve outside their communities.

All citizens from police officers to grocery and food service workers, healthcare to sanitation workers, etc. maintain a healthy and vibrant lifestyle holding down just one job. American workers are kind and caring to those whom they serve whether for a few minutes or for longer periods of time.

Our prisons are mostly empty, and those that still exist are oases of rehabilitation and retraining so that everyone can become a valuable and integral part of our robust society.

If an individual is having a hard time, he or she gets the necessary care whether it be for physical, mental, or emotional needs. Everyone gets the health and wellness care that they require as a member of this flourishing, thriving, country.

Our citizens are proud of being Americans, and those who want to join us have a clear and fair path for doing so.

Though we are proud of our nation and our states, we are so without putting ourselves above others in other states or countries.

God (or whatever word feels good to your heart), is truly blessing America and all of her/his/their inhabitants with all the gifts we are each ready and open to receive.

And then tonight - this posted by a friend... proving that my dream is coming true - it may be slowly and that's okay.

Last Friday night I was standing outside of a barbershop in Cincinnati, Oh,with a small group of mostly black men, when this officer walked over to a group of us. He looked around curiously and said “I don’t see a car blocking an intersection” while shaking his head. I asked him what was he talking about. He said someone called and reported that we had a car blocking the intersection. He paused for a minute and shook his head again. In that moment we both nodded and acknowledged what had just happened. Someone basically saw our group and made a false report. I asked him how long he had been on the job and he said 10 months. He asked what we were doing at the barbershop and so told him about the barbershop challenge Men of Courage and Ford Fund has sponsored. I asked if he wanted to come inside. He said he wanted to, but didn’t want to spoil the fun with his presence. Again we both nodded and acknowledged the reality of distrust between the community and police officers. I offered to take him inside so he could meet the owners and establish a relationship. I told him that someone has to take the first step to healing these relationships. He said he wanted to, but was unsure of what the reaction would be. I told him it would be cool and that Jerome Bettis and a host of other amazing people were inside. He lit up like a lightbulb and said “No way The Bus is in there”, with a kid like smile. I said hold on, I’ll grab him and have him come out. Jerome Bettis came out and the officer stood there with his mouth agape before saying “if my dad was still alive he would be so excited, because you were his favorite player”. We all stopped and sat in the moment before they went on to take a selfie together. It was one of those moments that reminded me of our humaneness, our frailties and our similarities. In that moment we were all just men navigating the world without the mask we are taught and trained to wear. I could have taken my offense to the call out on the officer and accused him of being a racist cop. He could have believed the caller and acted based on stereotypes about black men in groups. But we chose to just see each other and talk like humans. It’s ultimately a decision we can all make. When he lit up like a kid at seeing his dad’s sports hero, I saw a little boy and the uniform no longer mattered. We can collectively choose to see beyond the uniforms we all wear. It’s not easy and there is a lot of work to be done, but if we can at least start seeing each other, I believe things will get better. #writingmywrongs ~Shaka Senghor  www.ShakaSenghor.com

See you again soon.👀

 

Seems like a long time, seems like a long time, seems like a long long time...

yes it does! A long long time - April 15, 2015!

This singing in my head somehow at 2:44am on June 22nd reminds me of my sister Laurie when she did a report on Lincoln, and sang in front of a stunned class of 4th, 5th or 6th graders (who remembers?!?!)...

"My old man was a man like Lincoln/my old man he was so brave and strong/my old man was a man like Lincoln/cause he knew right from wrong."

Then she started her report "Right from wrong, oh yes he did!...." And I don't remember any more (thank God, right?).

So, now revising at 4:12am, I am trusting Abraham when he says that sleep is only necessary to stop negative momentum, so I should be great tomorrow even if I only get 4 hours sleep (or less)... anyway, I had to do this. I had to restart this blog because my life is amazing and I want to keep talking about the wonderful and amazing and miraculous things that are happening to me as I move further and further into using and understanding the Law of Attraction. Now, what got me to really think about this was my new eating program Bright Line Eating (BLE). Amazing, wonderful, and able to create in us as Susan Pierce Thompson's tag line expresses... "happy, thin, and free," and oh yes it does, as the Lincoln song expresses (who knew I could tie it in). And I have to admit, the happy and free parts are the best - though I'm enjoying the thin part too.

On with the story. I LOVE Susan's program. Here's a link so you can check it out if you want. Bright Line Eating/. Take the susceptibility quiz if you are inspired to. I'm a 10 at least, probably a 10+.

Could YOU buy a box of 12 donuts from a great bakery and take it home and polish it off, alone, by yourself, in a matter of hours (maybe less?). Well, I can... and really, that makes me a 10+. I feel like saying, "but I digress." But really, this is not a digression, just an explanation of the out of control-ness I was feeling that brought Bright Line Eating to me.

I am a member of Bright Lifers. It means I've finished the bootcamp (8 weeks of learning and practicing (and for me) sticking with this amazing program) and decided to join up for life, or at least for the next year in order to "stay close to the mother ship." Us box of donuts people need to do that. Connection and support - I cannot over estimate the importance. In Bright Lifers we have monthly calls with the mother of the mother ship, Susan. In the bootcamp there are weekly calls with some other amazing, wonderful, and fantastic women (yes, there are men in the program too - not as many- but then society really penalizes women for being "fat." Not so much men (my words, not Susan's).

This program is chock full of interesting scientific facts, and strategies for helping one attain happy, thin, and free. There is one process called the WOOP. It's a way to get back on track. It was originally created by a woman at Stanford (Susan gives her the credit she is due), and it's a pretty cool process. HOWEVER, while watching the video on WOOP, she basically refutes the Law of Attraction which is basically my lifeblood. She refutes it with science, but the science is not really looking at Law of Attraction, because like Think and Grow Rich before it, the vibrational component was deleted from THE SECRET. So, the Secret that most people know, is a secret that leaves out the secret. A link, in case I've peaked your curiosity... Abraham talks about "the secret".

So, here is a "question/comment/etc" that I posed for our upcoming phone meeting, I sent it too late four our upcoming meeting, but I was inspired to send it, because I need to get my truth about this out there. I think it's not a good thing, even though there is a ton of research on "the secret that isn't the secret" that PROVES it doesn't work. I wish someone would really do a research study on the real secret so that people might know the truth, which is, it works if you work it. I was limited to 2000 characters, so I might add more to this later.

I've left out a few of the sentences that aren't so pertinent to this conversation.

"I've been thinking about this a lot. I went to watch the WOOP video, but I cannot comfortably watch that video, and so didn't when I went to look at it on Monday. The Law of Attraction works. It's not about sitting in a room wishing for something. It's about knowing what you want, focusing on that thing by talking about what is desired, NOT what is not desired which is what most people do without knowing it, and then following intuition. Since 106bc cultures everywhere have written about it... "Birds of a feather flock together,"
"Misery loves company,"
"Pigeon flies with pigeon, hawk with hawk" - Iranian proverb,
"Rats know the way of rats." - Chinese proverb,
"As ever, the god is bringing like and like together." - Homer's Odyssey,
"Like readily gathers together with like." - Cicero;
there are more. I would be willing to bet that many people who found BLE (if not most) found it in a seemingly miraculous way. I've heard people say they got an e-mail that should never really have been in their in-box. We are a group of Souls who had a strong desire, and then allowed ourselves to be quiet enough inside to allow the law of attraction to bring our answer in a way that we would be receptive.

I've had a hard time being okay with BLE being my answer. I wanted God to make me happy, thin, and free! But I finally realized, 'I live in a physical universe, and many of my answers will come in a physical way.' Sometimes things do just seem to fall in my lap from nowhere. But this program also gave me something else I wanted - community, & a practical way to help others with this issue, who miraculously find me. I LOVE this program and everyone from Susan to the newbies. Law of Attraction is not easy, but it is simple. 2000 is just not enough words..."

So, the point. The first point really, of this blog post is to introduce those of you who might want it to Bright Line Eating, the second point is to point those of you who are familiar with either the book, or the movie The Secret, to information about the Abraham vs. the non-Abraham version, and third, the part that is most important to me in this blog is to talk about how the physical universe is used by the non-physical to bring our dreams to life.

It's like the old joke - There was a raging storm and major floods, and a man was stranded on a rooftop and prayed to God to save him. A man in a rowboat came by and said "Jump in!" but the man said, "No, it's okay, God is going to save me." A while later a helicopter came by and they lowered a ladder to save the man but again he refused by saying "No, it's okay, God is going to save me." Finally a speedboat came by, and again, the man refused. Finally, the flood overtook him, and he drowned. When he met God in heaven he asked, "God, I prayed and prayed, why did you not save me?" God replied, "I sent a rowboat, a helicopter, and a speedboat. What more did you expect?"

So... I guess I was sent BLE to save my donuts infested soul. And as a note, something that should have clued me in early on to the fact that this program was a gift from Spirit to help me get "happy, thin, and free" is that it's been so so so so very very very easy for me. Truly I've had nearly no days with hunger, or tiredness, or any distraction about food. This is a new lifestyle with which I am more than happy. Does that mean it's forever? Maybe yes, maybe no. Only time will tell.

I've spent a lot of time, up to now, wanting the miracle to happen, when the miracle is really the inspired action. The great idea. The amazing procedure that will do what I want it to do. It can even be the drug that will heal a body even when it appears that that individual is doing everything properly, and is not getting the expected result. Abraham would, I believe call that, the path of least resistance.

In some of those cases, and maybe even all of them, I still believe that if we get deeply enough into the vortex (as Abraham calls it), the place where we are feeling so good and spending so much time being happy, that we are also spending a lot of time connected with our God-Self, or Source infused Self that we hear those subtle messages that tell us to go or do something. The perfect timing inspiration that says, hey, get up and write, it doesn't matter that it's the middle of the night. Now's the time. And it turns out to be perfect.

This might sound selfish, but as I told my middle schoolers (though I wasn't all that good at doing it then) The most important thing for me is to be happy. When they said Don't you think that's very selfish? I would respond I can either be up here in front of you enjoying myself and looking for every good thing in you, and looking for ways for us to have fun, or I can be cranky and pick on you and scowl at you all period long. They said, You can be happy. When I'm happy and feel good, I don't want to hold it all in. I want to spread it around. Give as much as I can. Love my life and everyone in it, including those on the periphery and beyond. When I'm unhappy - I have nothing for you.

I am doing what I can to listen to that inner urging more and more. And I want to say that there is never going to be a time when we aren't experiencing from time to time being what Abraham calls "out of the Vortex;" times of disgruntledness, anger, frustration, depression, etc., but the key is to get away from that as soon as possible. Just today, or yesterday at this point, I was turned inside out. I  called a like-minded friend, who helped me to refocus to where I wanted to be, and not where I did not want to be. It works. It's not, like I said, always easy, but if you want it badly enough. And I really wanted happy, thin, and free badly!

I hope this is helpful, or at least interesting to read. If you like, and it's not too much of a hassle to sign up and log in, you can leave a message, or a thought or idea, and I will do what I can to respond if that seems appropriate and if I can figure out if I even can!

Much love and light and joy and peace to all you blogger land folks!

Here are some current photos of me - 22 weeks into doing Bright Line Eating along with one that has a pic from 2014, and the other 2017 pix were from March (around week 10 - it happened kind of fast! - hmmm.... how could that be since it took from Janaury 2015 to January 2016 to loose the first 25 pounds on my own - which was good - I don't want to "diss" myself - but this is better).

Goin' to Asheville Tennessee

Written - April 15, 2015 (posted April 19, 2015)

On April 15th I was sitting in the airport having just completed five wonderful days in Asheville, North Carolina and looking forward to another fantastic handful of days in New Jersey and New York.

First, I want to mention a little thing that took place during my prep for this trip. As I was preparing to come to Asheville I starting singing, in my head, and sometimes out loud to the tune of “Going to Graceland” by Paul Simon, “Going to Asheville, Asheville, Asheville Tennessee…” Asheville is NOT in Tennessee; however, "going to Asheville, Asheville, Asheville North Carolina" does not work at all. So I kept singing about Asheville Tennessee.

When I got to Asheville and picked up my upgraded rental car, the plates, of course, were Tennessee plates. How could it have been anything else?

My flights into Asheville were also interesting. On flight number one into Atlanta I had a window seat, and as I was getting settled, I started having a nice conversation with a man who was sitting in the row behind me. Another man who was going to be sitting on the aisle seat of my row - a light-filled, really kind man - helped me get my too heavy backpack up into the luggage compartment. Everything was flowing. Then the man in the row behind wound up in the aisle seat and a sort of dour gentleman sat in the middle. I was actually feeling like I should switch seats with the man in the middle but didn’t follow my intuition.

Very long story very short... I was involved in Scientology on and off for a number of years. I actually loved the classes and processes, but they wound up scaring me off, and then blessedly lost track of me for MANY years. A few years ago they somehow found me again. I’ve had some nice conversations with the Scientologists who keep calling me, but they always end with me saying thanks, but no thanks. I am aware that I am calling all that in by my attention to it and my frustration with it. While in Asheville, I checked my home messages and there was a call from my old Scientology “friend” Phil; I deleted it. I recycle, without opening, all personal letters and advertisements and newsletters from Scientology.  I’m just not interested, though my energy is obviously giving off a different vibe. I know when I get truly in sync with what I really want, they’ll lose me again.

Back to the flight. I was speaking with the gentleman in the middle seat and he was, of course, a trainer with Scientology. We had very little to say after our initial conversation, and I mostly focused on a book I am reading preparing for my next great adventure: China.

At the end of the flight, when we were all crowding the aisles getting ready to get off the plane, I started to speak with the gentleman who had been behind me, and then on the aisle, and, as it turns out, he had been to China many many times and really knew the country. I felt like hitting my hand to my head and saying “I could’a had a V8!” Oh well, all is well and I will get all the China information I need when I need it.

The Abraham-Hicks workshop was fantastic, and the hotel we were in was wild – as my daughter said it felt like we were in Wonderland. The lobby was above our sleeping rooms, and locations were hard to pin down (at least for me). Floor 10 and floor 8 were sometimes the same floor. A little wild and crazy, but it was fun, the seminar was illuminating, and I was also looking forward to heading back to the Biltmore Inn for our last few days – the place where my friends and I had first experienced Abraham-Hicks in Asheville. I became aware when we crossed onto the grounds of the Biltmore that I had not really felt like I was IN Asheville until we got to the Biltmore. 

Our time there was illuminating and I had a wonderful (unfortunately from my April 19th perspective - short lived), experience of dealing with one of my biggest life challenges: food. I’m a little addicted and don’t always have the wherewithal to say “no,” even when I’m full. But something happened once we were at the Biltmore. I started to become more and more aware of my body and what it  wanted, and I ate only what my body asked for, and only the amount that my body wanted. I’d rarely experienced this before, and it was fantastic (reading this again is, for me, a somewhat inspirational and perhaps that is why I have to keep it in!). 

Something happened while we were there, and for and to whatever it was, I am heartfeltly appreciative.

Just a few more little in the vortex/groove/sync experiences. Going to lunch and being pointed to one table but wanting another and getting what I want and doing that kind of thing so much that I wasn't even aware I was doing it until it was pointed out to me. Good sign (and I've been doing it here in NJ/NY as well so that, at least has stuck!)

At one point I really wanted a Rubin sandwich - I hadn't had one for years - but I wasn't sure it was a great choice - however, my friend Amy just happened to mention that she wanted one, but not a whole one, so we shared. It was perfect.

At the beginning of this entire being in Asheville experience my daughter and I walked into the large Omni hotel and Amy was, at that moment, walking across the lobby.

On our last day at the Biltmore, Amy and I decided to go for a walk in the woods across the street from the Inn. We didn't know where we were going, but that didn't matter. We came across a beautiful wild turkey as well as a herd of deer running down the trail near us! We even had one deer stop and watch us as we walked for a while. We got back to the Inn while it was still light, and the evening, our last at the Biltmore Inn, was sweet and comforting. 

All in all it was a magical and fun week filled with light and joy and goodness in all areas.

Have a miraculous and joyful day, week, month, year… forever yourselves.

Yep. Going to China AND Tibet!

Life is amazing, wonderful, wondrous, and filled will possibilities. Abraham has it right. Focus on what you want and you're likely to get it. Actually - you WILL get it as long as you don't also focus on what you don't want which is so easy to do. For example - if I think about this China trip, and am excited about it except for the things that could go wrong, I am not holding in the energy of what I want. I am also holding some energy of what I don't want. 

So, in my head I'm hearing some of you saying "She's deluded." Guess I need to work on that because as Terry Cole Whittaker said way back in 1988 "What You Think of Me is None of My Business." And she's right, and you are entitled to your opinion just as I am. All I can say is try it, you'll like it! Plus isn't being happy worth being deluded, especially when you realize that it isn't delusion, though I'm not sure what I want to call it. Maybe truth.

Another example that Abraham uses a lot is with money. If you want more money but you keep focusing on the fact that you don't have enough, what you're attracting is not enough. If you focus on why you want the money - it will be so nice to do whatever I want when I want it, I will love taking my friends out to lunch, I will feels so good paying all my bills on time, etc. etc., etc, you are more likely to bring that to you. Watch your feelings, they are a good indication of where you are. And if the feelings are not good then focus on something else, a child, a pet, a loved one, a nice experience you are having or have had, anything to make you feel better. Anyway, if you want more of THAT look up Abraham-Hicks on YouTube or Abraham-Hicks.com.

So, I'm going to China and Tibet! And it feels so good! I might be doing a solo tour in Tibet which is like WOW! I can ask whatever I want, stay longer where I am inspired to stay and leave if the spirit is not moving me.

I am watching Wild China on Netflix (streaming it) and I get chills every time.

Getting ready for the trip.

There are some very specific requirements about luggage size and weight when traveling by air within China. They require a suitcase 62" or under. And I cannot pay attention to what it says on the luggage tags at the store because they are excluding the wheels and handles and in China they don't do that. Also there is a 44 pound max, but that'll be later when I start packing.

So I need a new suitcase. I don't have one that fits the bill. I went to TJ Maxx to look. They didn't really have what I was looking for - close but no cigar. Then I went to Marshalls and had the same experience until saw this guy dragging around a suitcase that looked perfect. I asked him what it was, and he told me. I looked; there were no others. I went up to the counter with an okayish second. I was in line behind "my" suitcase. I asked the woman who was standing by the suitcase if I could measure it, and if I could look inside. The woman, for whom the suitcase was being bought said "Sure." Then she told me I could find another one like it at Nordstrom. The size was perfect, and the inside was perfect. It had many little pockets that would be great for shoes. They would not touch the clothes. It was just what I was looking for.

I asked the cashier if she could hold the "second best" suitcase for me until the next day. She said she could. Then I got on my phone to find another Marshalls. I'd taken a picture of the tag for the bag so I had all the numbers and the cost. The Marshalls that showed up on my phone was not one near me in Palm Desert. It was near my home a hundred miles or so away. I decided to call anyway. They had one left (of course)! I asked if I could pay for it over the phone. The woman went to ask her manager and came back to say, "No, we cannot have you pay for it on the phone, but even though it's not our policy, we will hold it for you until you get back. I told her your circumstances, and she approved it."

Wow - another miracle, another wonderful experience for this trip. I will pick up my suitcase when I get home, and cross one more item off my list. My intention is to go to LA next week to get my Visa. I am sure that all will be perfect. And I will report again my further adventures of going to China, because it is my expectation that there will be a miracle or two in the visa process as well.

So happy about all of this. And so looking forward to my next great adventure. Minutes from now!

Going to China?

I realized that in my previous posts I've been mentioning Abraham-Hicks, but I haven't really introduced them to you. So, if you're a newbie, my latest foray (actually it's been an almost 10 year foray) has been into the world of Abraham-Hicks (www.Abraham-Hicks.com). This is where I am receiving most of my "how-it-really-is" guidance these days as well as entertainment, joy, playfulness, irreverent attitude toward the world we know it, and  a bunch of tools to finally put into practice things I've believed since I was very very small. I've done a ton of personal growth work, but for some reason, at this time, this work is resonating with me like nothing else.

Very basically Abraham, a group of Source Energy Beings. are being channeled by Esther Hicks. Their main teaching is about the The Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction says that which is like unto itself is drawn, or more basically, one gets what one focuses on. I am cranky, I attract cranky. I am joyful and playful, I attract that. There is more to it, but that's it in a nutshell. One can go to YouTube.com and input Abraham-Hicks and get some wonderful video and audio pieces on everything from money to relationships to some of the processes that they've created and taught, or you could go to their site mentioned above.

I've been yo-yo-ing a lot the last few weeks between feeling great and feeling off kilter. But in the last few weeks, I've also gotten more consistently more of these mini-miracles I've been talking about. The latest one is very interesting to me, and I'm not yet exactly sure how it's going to turn out.

I was taking my female cat Slippers to the vet to get IV hydration (I'm not yet brave enough to stick that fat needle into my cat to do the deed at home). I was feeling a bit funky, and I started to speak with Slippers and I moaned, "I think I have to go to China." And then I said "Where the &*#)@ did that come from? I just figured I was hallucinating something or other. We went to the Vet, hydrated the cat, and then went back home. I let her out of her carrier and went up stairs to my computer. There was an e-mail that popped in as I sat down in front of the computer from the San Diego Zoo. It said "Time is Running Out" and was about their upcoming (in May) trip to China. I shook my head and deleted it. Then I un-deleted it and started to read. As I was reading the itinerary, I got excited about maybe doing this, but then I started telling myself all the reasons I shouldn't from a cat that needs IV hydration to the cost, to my commitments, to needing to find someone to house-sit, etc., etc., etc.

Since then I've spoken to my sister who says I must go. I've also been thinking about something I shared at an Abraham-Hicks workshop that I went to in Asheville in 2012 and what I told Abraham and what they told me. As well as the fact that I've been thinking lately that I want to do more in my life and have more fun and listen to myself more.

Basically what Abraham said to me when I said I didn't know what I wanted is that I was lying (a bit of a joke), because I do know that I want to know. I admitted that I did want that.

I do want, as I mentioned in post 1, to be more in tune to receiving inspiration that leads to inspired action. And telling my cat that I should go to China, and then having an e-mail show up for a trip that is just about to take place almost immediately afterwards seems like something I need to pay attention to, and I am aware that I have gotten other hits about things and ignored them, so this feels like I'm getting back what I want.

Reading the trip brochure, the final payment was due by February 18th, meaning that this is their last ditch effort to fill the trip. I have to wonder if one of those spaces was reserved for me. Though I've never really wanted to "go" to China, I loved the terracotta warriors when I saw them at the Bowers Museum in 2008, and I love Ming Dynasty pottery (and was given a beautiful necklace from a someone I once worked for that was a piece of a Ming vase), and I love photos of the Great Wall and have wondered what it would be like to walk on it, and I've been a bit obsessed with River Cruises over the last few years, and it just so happens that there is a two-day river cruise on the Yangtze River as part of this trip along with visits to the wall, the warriors, and the Ming Dynasty temple of heaven, as well as - GREAT PANDAS!!! I love the Pandas at the zoo and could just stare at them for ages. I might even get to pet one. It is sounding (and feeling) more and more like I should be getting my passport in order.

One final thing was that when my daughter was around 3 years old she wanted goldfish. We got her two and she named them Gogo and Henan. I'd never heard anything like it. Gogo and Henan? Well the weirder part was when I was listening to a show on NPR maybe a year after Gogo and Henan had joined our family, about a small province in China called Henan. So I figured that maybe Sarah had been Gogo from Henan. But maybe I'm letting my imagination take over, and if that's true. Well God bless it. I want my imagination to take over because there are books and maybe plays I need to write, and perhaps my inspiration will be in China.

My Cranky Day Made Better By Shopkick, A Volt, and a Purse (and then later the way that it MAY have come together)

(Just added a new piece at the end in case you've read this one)...

I know that when things seemingly go wrong, it's because that is where my energy is taking me; that is what I am attracting.

Every other Wednesday I get a box of organic fruits and vegetables. The box is generally delivered before 6:00 am. A number of weeks ago I didn't get the box till almost 11:00 (I called to find out what was up and it was coming - and it came), so when my box wasn't out there at 7:00 am, I didn't really worry. I finally called after 11:00. I was told the box had been delivered. Well, it wasn't outside, and the empty box from two weeks ago was still leaning against the wall near my front door.

I was pretty pissed, and I kept thinking, what is going on? What am I doing, thinking, etc, that is bringing this to me? I know it is me. Little irritating things have been happening a lot lately, but I haven't taken the time to "clean up my energy."

While on the phone with the agent who told me it had been delivered at 5:30 in the morning, I was getting a little snarky and hinting that I might just stop using the service. She offered to have a box delivered the next week and to take off the fee as well as to deliver another free box in April. None of that mattered, and I knew it wasn't them - it was me - but I was too cranky to even admit that or mention it. I wanted someone else to be to blame.

I decided to walk outside and look next door. Maybe my box had been dropped off at my neighbors. It wasn't, but it was in my flower bed against the garage wall. Okay, my bad it WAS there, but they had just dumped it in the dirt (the flowers are actually all gone). I never would have noticed because I never use the front door. So what was going on?

I'm still trying to figure it out. I've been tired, and eating a lot not even feigning self-control. But I know it's me. I know that I have to adjust my thinking, my focusing.

After a long and tiring day, I decided I had to get out of the house. I decided to go Shopkicking.

Shopkicking:
Basically, I run around with my cell phone to different stores where I can get points just for going into the store and sometimes scanning certain items. For my trouble, I get gift cards. Between my Discover credit card and Shopkick. I haven't paid for a Starbucks drink or an i-tunes app or song in a while. And it's fun. Like a treasure hunt. I needed to get outside of myself. I needed a change.

So I went to Albertsons to get my points. I parked and was walking toward the store entrance. There was a woman in a Volt and I waved to her that she could back out of her space. I would wait. The Volt is one of my now favorite cars - I drive a Prius Plug-In but my friend Liz drives a Volt and is getting over a thousand miles per tank of gas. I have mileage envy. As the woman pulled out I signaled for her to pull her window down. I asked her how she liked the car. She loved it, of course. I told her about Liz. She wasn't getting quite such great mileage. We had a nice chat, and then I noticed that on the seat next to her was the exact same purse I was carrying! I lifted it up and said, I think we're twins. She and I laughed and I felt like I was back on track. My miracles were still out there for the picking.

But I still need to figure out how to get more of my life like that. Actually, the idea of figuring it out is very counter the concept. I really want to just focus on those things I love - like the experience with Volt lady, and paper man and all the things that happened years ago when I was studying A Course in Miracles.

I got home and cleaned all the fruits and veggies, got them cut up and put into the fridge. I watched some TV as I did that, and then sat to pet my cat and watch a little more. I was completely bored and disengaged, and feeling like I might just as well go to bed when I realized that I need to write this up before doing anything else.

So I am writing, and l am feeling better. So perhaps the universe telling me I need to Shopkick and write, and leave all the cleaning and TV watching and finance stuff... well, that's not exactly accurate. I enjoy doing those other things, but I think I am being told that I need to go out and have more fun. So I intend to listen and inside right now I am getting a big YES! Not sure what that means or will look like, but it does feel like something is about to change.

There have been so many other little wonders and miracles that I haven't written about, and I know that I have to bring them to this forum. I must acknowledge them and make them important enough to capture and chew on. So we'll see...

Now I have to change the pee pad under my cat box as she's decided that she prefers to wet the pad rather than clump the litter. With a smile on my face and a light in my heart I will do that task and be in bed by 10 (unless I get inspired to do something else).

FAST FORWARD TO THE NEXT DAY... I forgot a pretty major piece of this experience - but then it only hit me this morning in the car, so...

When I was checking out at Albertsons (they really should have put an apostrophe between the 'n' and the 's,' but they didn't...), the person who checked me out did a double take and we looked at each other knowing that we knew one another. "Zimmerman, I said, you're married to Rick who worked at the school." The bizarre thing about this is that her name is the same as my mother's maiden name - first and last - Sherry Zimmerman (so why did I not remember this immediately?).

I was thinking about this in the car this morning. The incident with the woman, her Volt, and her twin purse, and then seeing Sherry Zimmerman for the first time in maybe 8 years, and I realized that my now deceased mother must have orchestrated this exit from Crankyville. I said out loud "You did that, didn't you Mom?" I felt so lifted that I knew it must be true (and I figure that several of my friends who might be reading this are rolling their eyes).

I have so many people on the other side that I can call on to help me; I should really use them rather than waiting for them to use me.  ALSO, I know I can count on those who have passed whom I did not know if I believe (I DO believe in other-side helpers, I do, I do, I do!).

The Craziest, Biggest Miracles of My Life and How I Basically Ignored Them

For 38 years, on and off, I've been studying A Course in Miracles. It has become my "Bible."

It has, through my practice of the lessons, spawned more miraculous experiences than anything else I've ever done, and it's led me, pretty specifically, from one boat (spiritual teacher, medical practice, etc) to another. But always, I come back "home."

One of the most profound Miracles I received from working The Course was my introductory experience. I want to mention that in my life, I always seem to get the end product right at the beginning of a new endeavor. It's like the Universe says to me "If you stick with this, this is what you can have."

I was living in northern California with my parents. I'd graduated from San Diego State and finished working on my first independent, very low budget, feature film as an editor - a relatively horrid experience so I won't mention the film or the people who worked it - even though I did recently find a copy of the film and I was given lead editing credit - and it was pretty fun to watch it... but I digress...

I was not yet ready to move to Los Angeles where I knew I needed to be. I was working and taking classes at Scientology in Palo Alto. My friend Tom and I been there this fate-filled day working on our current classes (for those who care, Scientology is pretty much all self-study). When we were ready to leave, we went to dinner and then decided that we wanted to check out Eckankar. We were seekers, and Scientology was not filling all our needs.

We drove all over the SF Bay Area stopping at various Eckankar centers but could find none that were open. We walked around buildings knocking on doors and windows to no avail. Tom drove me back to my car at the Scientology Center, and we parted ways. I decided to stop at Kepler's Book Store in Los Altos. I wanted to get the latest copy of Writer's Magazine, but because it is a great bookstore I was wandering the isles looking for "something." Over the hour or so I spent there, I picked up a stack of spiritual and metaphysical books. But at one point I knew that there was nothing in any of those books for me, and put them all back. I went to the counter to pay for the magazine. Lying on said counter, as if it had been discarded by someone, was a magazine I'd never seen called New Realities. I still have that copy.  It is Vol. 1 No 1 - no date, not anywhere on the magazine - I just looked - but it seems to have been somewhere around April or May of 1977.

The cover declared "you are entitled to miracles" and had a simple painting of a yellow sun over a blue and purple swatch of color. I opened to the first article and found "Simple, dumb, boring truths & A Course in Miracles." I immediately determined that this magazine was left there just for me (not unlike the paper from my first post). I paid for both magazines and went home.

I climbed into bed and started to read the article. As I read I felt like every cell in my body had been uplifted. I felt a sensation of joy that I had rarely felt in my life. I was excited and joyful but not wildly so - it was a peaceful, bubbly sort of joy and I knew something important was happening. I HAD to call this Foundation for Inner Peace first thing in the morning. It was 11:00pm. The Foundation for Inner Peace was in New York. They were three hours ahead of us, so if I got up at 6:00am (if I could even sleep), I could call them - it would be 9am their time.

I awoke feeling exciting anticipation a little before 6am. Still aglow with the energy and joy I'd begun to feel the night before, I called. I had to get a set of those books. My conversation with the person who answered the phone was a bit frustrating. I could not connect with her and I was getting no information except that the first printing of the books had sold out. In the midst of this conversation, someone else got on the phone. It was Judy Skutch, the woman who had given the interview I'd read. I was so excited to tell her my story. She was easy to speak with and I felt understood. She totally understood my urgency to get the books, but did confirm that there were no sets available. After a pause, she asked me where I lived. I told her northern California. She asked me where. I said Los Altos. She said she knew someone in Los Altos Hills who she thought might have one last set. I laughed and told her that I was actually IN Los Altos Hills. She was not surprised, and gave me the woman's number. It was 6:15am. I did not feel it would be appropriate to call yet, so I got dressed for work and figured I'd call later that morning. 

I called and spoke with, I will call her Alice because I cannot remember her name. I told her I'd gotten her number from Judy Skutch and that Judy said she might have a set of the books.

She said "Judy WHO?"

I repeated "Judy Skutch."

She said "How did YOU get to speak with her? I've been trying to get hold of her for weeks!"

"She just picked up the phone."

Alice had a set. She had gotten it for her son, but as it turned out, he didn't want them. We made an arrangement to meet after work (this was of course all orchestrated for me - Alice purchasing them for her son - sending them off to him - his not wanting them and mailing them back. I do love how this all works).

All I can say about that day, that magical, wonderful day is that it was the potential end result. It was a day of one miracle after another. Everyone who irritated me the day before, I was in love with that day. Everything went smoothly, and quickly. It was as if a group of angles had joined me and were sprinkling my path with "your life is awesome" dust. I do believe in fairies, I do, I do, I do.

As the end of the day approached I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I drove right to Alice's house, and felt immense appreciation and gratitude when she answered the door. However, as I followed her into the house, the first thing I saw on the wall was a plaque with a picture of Jesus and some religious quote.

Did I mention I was a Jewish atheist at the time? Well. The light turned off,  just like that. I felt like Cinderella at the ball and it had just struck midnight. I just wanted to bolt and was thinking "What the hell did I get myself into?"

Then "the voice" started. It said to me, loud and clear and in a voice not my own. "You felt so good about the books when you found them. Just pay for them, and leave."

That is what I did. Though on the way home I was swearing a blue streak and freaking out. I was back to my old mental/emotional/doubting self. I got back to my parents' house, went right into my bedroom, shut the door, and opened the box the three volume set came in. I opened up the Text book, the thickest book, and saw "Jesus," "Christ," "Atonement," "Salvation," "God," I couldn't stand it so I just threw the book under the bed and opened the teacher's manual - the smallest book. The same. So it joined its partner under the bed. I held my breath and opened the Workbook.

Lesson 1 - "Nothing I see... means anything."

Lesson 2 - "I have given everything I see... all the meaning that it has for me."

Lesson 3 - I do not understand anything I see."

Lesson 4 - These thoughts do not mean anything."

Lesson 5 - I am never upset for the reason I think."

With a sigh of relief I smiled. I could do this. None of the first 13 lessons mentions anything about God, but lesson 14 does. Lesson 14 is "God did not create a meaningless world."

How I did lesson 14: ... If there is a God, which I doubt, he did not create a meaningless world.

It was lesson 29 that started to get intense with "God is in everything I see." But by that time, I was kind of okay with the idea of God. The course didn't tell me to believe anything. It only told me to do the lessons. And I did them.

Lesson 49 - 49 days after I started the course is "God's Voice speaks to me all through the day.

Now that was an interesting day. It was a Saturday or Sunday because I didn't have to work. I decided to do my first of the 4 five-minute practice sessions right after I got up. It was a lovely, quiet meditation. It was just a nice, easy day, and I decided to do the second mediation a few hours later at the far point of a run I would take with our family dog, Snoopy. Snoopy and I ran and walked about 2 miles down a beautiful road in Los Altos Hills. We came to an area that was off the road where I could sit quietly and do my five minute mediation. I sat in a lotus position, in the grass overlooking a beautiful meadow. It was peaceful and nice. At one point I heard the voice that had visited me at Alice's house say, "Okay, you're done." I said back to it, "No, I want to sit here for a few more minutes."

Within 30 seconds, several girls on horseback came by. As they passed behind me, they stopped talking. They obviously looked at the weirdo sitting in a cross-legged posture on the side of the road with a little black beagle-like creature and were stunned into silence. I felt embarrassed. The Voice laughed. Not a mean laugh, just a laugh. Then it said, "See, if you'd gotten up when I told you to, you could have avoided that embarrassment."

I got up, and the voice said "Now you can run back." Well, I hadn't run 2 miles at that point in my life (not athletic at all), but I figured I had better do what I was told.

In retrospect, I didn't find it at all weird that this voice was speaking to me but it hasn't come back since that period of time.

Snoopy and I ran back almost to the turn off for our street when a huge furry excuse for a dog came lunging at us. I stopped, turned, looked at it and a bark/growl came out of my throat. I knew what I had said, and it sat right down and whimpered at me and I knew what it was saying. This freaked me out a bit and Snoopy and I ran back to the house where I showered and did whatever it was I did during those weekends.

The last mediation of the day was later at night. I was sitting in my room, on the floor, in a lotus position when the Voice returned.

It said, "Get comfortable."

I got into a half lotus.

With a sigh, a few minutes later, the Voice said "Get comfortable."

So I sat cross legged and leaned against my bed.

Again, with a sigh, the Voice said "Get comfortable." So I lay down on the floor, and I felt myself lifted and light and that lasted for a while. Then I heard Gregorian type Chanting all around me saying "God is dead, God is dead, God is dead." I sat bolt upright and said out loud. "No!" And that was the real beginning for me.

The next day, I did my first meditation for Lesson 50 (comfortably on my back on the floor) - "I am sustained by the Love of God," At the end of it, I decided to pull the text book out from under the bed. As I scanned the pages, I became aware that the "words," no longer had an effect on me. I didn't feel particularly positive about them, but I no longer felt any negativity either. They were neutral, and I had done NOTHING to change that. It was at that point that I knew the course was doing something.

Fast forward to today. I have to admit, I have never finished all 365 lessons, though I have done the first 100 or so several times. Having written this, I'm inspired to perhaps start them again, or maybe break my pattern and start with lesson 49 - the life changing lesson. I am also amazed at the gift I was given and did not - at least then - appreciate. I guess I shouldn't say that because I did appreciate it to the level that I could - but I am sure I did not see where it could take me. I feel like I just stopped.

I've heard a number of Spiritual teachers since that time say don't carry the steps with you, but let them go when you are done with them. But that's only started to make sense recently when I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks tape. What I heard was that getting upset with ourselves for not completing something we start makes no sense. We might think we're headed one way, but then something else becomes more urgent to us. We are on a constant path, not necessarily moving to a consistent destination (except perhaps greater loving, peace, caring, understanding, joy, etc.)

What I got was that I am being guided, as the course says, "very specifically," and I all need to do is listen, follow, and not judge.

This does NOT mean giving up free will. It does mean, looking at what I really want in each moment and asking if my current action or direction is moving me closer or further away. Hot hot hotter or cold cold colder.

What I am looking for now is inspired action - a phrase that Abraham speaks to a lot. When I am inspired, things are always working out for me (another Abrahameese - you may be getting that that path is now a close second to the CIM. When I do not follow that inspiration, I almost always regret it. What I am aware of now is that it's about following the energy and being appreciative and joyful for the steps that are getting me from point A to point B. Life is not meant to be static but flowing and joyful, and that is where I am right now.

Speaking of which, the need for paper was not, I discovered, a need at all (see previous post). I was inspired to go get the paper so I could have that wonderful experience that got me to do this. A few days after the paper experience I found a ream of paper in plain sight. I so appreciate that whatever part of me controls those things made me NOT see the ream at that time.

What I realize now is that the Course taught me an important lesson. Do it until it no longer speaks to me, and then do something else. And if I'm listening and hearing, that something else will be a perfect next step.

For the ignored part - in retrospect, I cannot believe that I didn't actively cultivate that "voice" - that clear, direct, inner guidance. I want it back now. Not demanding, but desiring. This blog is being an amazing gift because I am really starting to see what was, what is, and how it's all perfect.