The Craziest, Biggest Miracles of My Life and How I Basically Ignored Them

For 38 years, on and off, I've been studying A Course in Miracles. It has become my "Bible."

It has, through my practice of the lessons, spawned more miraculous experiences than anything else I've ever done, and it's led me, pretty specifically, from one boat (spiritual teacher, medical practice, etc) to another. But always, I come back "home."

One of the most profound Miracles I received from working The Course was my introductory experience. I want to mention that in my life, I always seem to get the end product right at the beginning of a new endeavor. It's like the Universe says to me "If you stick with this, this is what you can have."

I was living in northern California with my parents. I'd graduated from San Diego State and finished working on my first independent, very low budget, feature film as an editor - a relatively horrid experience so I won't mention the film or the people who worked it - even though I did recently find a copy of the film and I was given lead editing credit - and it was pretty fun to watch it... but I digress...

I was not yet ready to move to Los Angeles where I knew I needed to be. I was working and taking classes at Scientology in Palo Alto. My friend Tom and I been there this fate-filled day working on our current classes (for those who care, Scientology is pretty much all self-study). When we were ready to leave, we went to dinner and then decided that we wanted to check out Eckankar. We were seekers, and Scientology was not filling all our needs.

We drove all over the SF Bay Area stopping at various Eckankar centers but could find none that were open. We walked around buildings knocking on doors and windows to no avail. Tom drove me back to my car at the Scientology Center, and we parted ways. I decided to stop at Kepler's Book Store in Los Altos. I wanted to get the latest copy of Writer's Magazine, but because it is a great bookstore I was wandering the isles looking for "something." Over the hour or so I spent there, I picked up a stack of spiritual and metaphysical books. But at one point I knew that there was nothing in any of those books for me, and put them all back. I went to the counter to pay for the magazine. Lying on said counter, as if it had been discarded by someone, was a magazine I'd never seen called New Realities. I still have that copy.  It is Vol. 1 No 1 - no date, not anywhere on the magazine - I just looked - but it seems to have been somewhere around April or May of 1977.

The cover declared "you are entitled to miracles" and had a simple painting of a yellow sun over a blue and purple swatch of color. I opened to the first article and found "Simple, dumb, boring truths & A Course in Miracles." I immediately determined that this magazine was left there just for me (not unlike the paper from my first post). I paid for both magazines and went home.

I climbed into bed and started to read the article. As I read I felt like every cell in my body had been uplifted. I felt a sensation of joy that I had rarely felt in my life. I was excited and joyful but not wildly so - it was a peaceful, bubbly sort of joy and I knew something important was happening. I HAD to call this Foundation for Inner Peace first thing in the morning. It was 11:00pm. The Foundation for Inner Peace was in New York. They were three hours ahead of us, so if I got up at 6:00am (if I could even sleep), I could call them - it would be 9am their time.

I awoke feeling exciting anticipation a little before 6am. Still aglow with the energy and joy I'd begun to feel the night before, I called. I had to get a set of those books. My conversation with the person who answered the phone was a bit frustrating. I could not connect with her and I was getting no information except that the first printing of the books had sold out. In the midst of this conversation, someone else got on the phone. It was Judy Skutch, the woman who had given the interview I'd read. I was so excited to tell her my story. She was easy to speak with and I felt understood. She totally understood my urgency to get the books, but did confirm that there were no sets available. After a pause, she asked me where I lived. I told her northern California. She asked me where. I said Los Altos. She said she knew someone in Los Altos Hills who she thought might have one last set. I laughed and told her that I was actually IN Los Altos Hills. She was not surprised, and gave me the woman's number. It was 6:15am. I did not feel it would be appropriate to call yet, so I got dressed for work and figured I'd call later that morning. 

I called and spoke with, I will call her Alice because I cannot remember her name. I told her I'd gotten her number from Judy Skutch and that Judy said she might have a set of the books.

She said "Judy WHO?"

I repeated "Judy Skutch."

She said "How did YOU get to speak with her? I've been trying to get hold of her for weeks!"

"She just picked up the phone."

Alice had a set. She had gotten it for her son, but as it turned out, he didn't want them. We made an arrangement to meet after work (this was of course all orchestrated for me - Alice purchasing them for her son - sending them off to him - his not wanting them and mailing them back. I do love how this all works).

All I can say about that day, that magical, wonderful day is that it was the potential end result. It was a day of one miracle after another. Everyone who irritated me the day before, I was in love with that day. Everything went smoothly, and quickly. It was as if a group of angles had joined me and were sprinkling my path with "your life is awesome" dust. I do believe in fairies, I do, I do, I do.

As the end of the day approached I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I drove right to Alice's house, and felt immense appreciation and gratitude when she answered the door. However, as I followed her into the house, the first thing I saw on the wall was a plaque with a picture of Jesus and some religious quote.

Did I mention I was a Jewish atheist at the time? Well. The light turned off,  just like that. I felt like Cinderella at the ball and it had just struck midnight. I just wanted to bolt and was thinking "What the hell did I get myself into?"

Then "the voice" started. It said to me, loud and clear and in a voice not my own. "You felt so good about the books when you found them. Just pay for them, and leave."

That is what I did. Though on the way home I was swearing a blue streak and freaking out. I was back to my old mental/emotional/doubting self. I got back to my parents' house, went right into my bedroom, shut the door, and opened the box the three volume set came in. I opened up the Text book, the thickest book, and saw "Jesus," "Christ," "Atonement," "Salvation," "God," I couldn't stand it so I just threw the book under the bed and opened the teacher's manual - the smallest book. The same. So it joined its partner under the bed. I held my breath and opened the Workbook.

Lesson 1 - "Nothing I see... means anything."

Lesson 2 - "I have given everything I see... all the meaning that it has for me."

Lesson 3 - I do not understand anything I see."

Lesson 4 - These thoughts do not mean anything."

Lesson 5 - I am never upset for the reason I think."

With a sigh of relief I smiled. I could do this. None of the first 13 lessons mentions anything about God, but lesson 14 does. Lesson 14 is "God did not create a meaningless world."

How I did lesson 14: ... If there is a God, which I doubt, he did not create a meaningless world.

It was lesson 29 that started to get intense with "God is in everything I see." But by that time, I was kind of okay with the idea of God. The course didn't tell me to believe anything. It only told me to do the lessons. And I did them.

Lesson 49 - 49 days after I started the course is "God's Voice speaks to me all through the day.

Now that was an interesting day. It was a Saturday or Sunday because I didn't have to work. I decided to do my first of the 4 five-minute practice sessions right after I got up. It was a lovely, quiet meditation. It was just a nice, easy day, and I decided to do the second mediation a few hours later at the far point of a run I would take with our family dog, Snoopy. Snoopy and I ran and walked about 2 miles down a beautiful road in Los Altos Hills. We came to an area that was off the road where I could sit quietly and do my five minute mediation. I sat in a lotus position, in the grass overlooking a beautiful meadow. It was peaceful and nice. At one point I heard the voice that had visited me at Alice's house say, "Okay, you're done." I said back to it, "No, I want to sit here for a few more minutes."

Within 30 seconds, several girls on horseback came by. As they passed behind me, they stopped talking. They obviously looked at the weirdo sitting in a cross-legged posture on the side of the road with a little black beagle-like creature and were stunned into silence. I felt embarrassed. The Voice laughed. Not a mean laugh, just a laugh. Then it said, "See, if you'd gotten up when I told you to, you could have avoided that embarrassment."

I got up, and the voice said "Now you can run back." Well, I hadn't run 2 miles at that point in my life (not athletic at all), but I figured I had better do what I was told.

In retrospect, I didn't find it at all weird that this voice was speaking to me but it hasn't come back since that period of time.

Snoopy and I ran back almost to the turn off for our street when a huge furry excuse for a dog came lunging at us. I stopped, turned, looked at it and a bark/growl came out of my throat. I knew what I had said, and it sat right down and whimpered at me and I knew what it was saying. This freaked me out a bit and Snoopy and I ran back to the house where I showered and did whatever it was I did during those weekends.

The last mediation of the day was later at night. I was sitting in my room, on the floor, in a lotus position when the Voice returned.

It said, "Get comfortable."

I got into a half lotus.

With a sigh, a few minutes later, the Voice said "Get comfortable."

So I sat cross legged and leaned against my bed.

Again, with a sigh, the Voice said "Get comfortable." So I lay down on the floor, and I felt myself lifted and light and that lasted for a while. Then I heard Gregorian type Chanting all around me saying "God is dead, God is dead, God is dead." I sat bolt upright and said out loud. "No!" And that was the real beginning for me.

The next day, I did my first meditation for Lesson 50 (comfortably on my back on the floor) - "I am sustained by the Love of God," At the end of it, I decided to pull the text book out from under the bed. As I scanned the pages, I became aware that the "words," no longer had an effect on me. I didn't feel particularly positive about them, but I no longer felt any negativity either. They were neutral, and I had done NOTHING to change that. It was at that point that I knew the course was doing something.

Fast forward to today. I have to admit, I have never finished all 365 lessons, though I have done the first 100 or so several times. Having written this, I'm inspired to perhaps start them again, or maybe break my pattern and start with lesson 49 - the life changing lesson. I am also amazed at the gift I was given and did not - at least then - appreciate. I guess I shouldn't say that because I did appreciate it to the level that I could - but I am sure I did not see where it could take me. I feel like I just stopped.

I've heard a number of Spiritual teachers since that time say don't carry the steps with you, but let them go when you are done with them. But that's only started to make sense recently when I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks tape. What I heard was that getting upset with ourselves for not completing something we start makes no sense. We might think we're headed one way, but then something else becomes more urgent to us. We are on a constant path, not necessarily moving to a consistent destination (except perhaps greater loving, peace, caring, understanding, joy, etc.)

What I got was that I am being guided, as the course says, "very specifically," and I all need to do is listen, follow, and not judge.

This does NOT mean giving up free will. It does mean, looking at what I really want in each moment and asking if my current action or direction is moving me closer or further away. Hot hot hotter or cold cold colder.

What I am looking for now is inspired action - a phrase that Abraham speaks to a lot. When I am inspired, things are always working out for me (another Abrahameese - you may be getting that that path is now a close second to the CIM. When I do not follow that inspiration, I almost always regret it. What I am aware of now is that it's about following the energy and being appreciative and joyful for the steps that are getting me from point A to point B. Life is not meant to be static but flowing and joyful, and that is where I am right now.

Speaking of which, the need for paper was not, I discovered, a need at all (see previous post). I was inspired to go get the paper so I could have that wonderful experience that got me to do this. A few days after the paper experience I found a ream of paper in plain sight. I so appreciate that whatever part of me controls those things made me NOT see the ream at that time.

What I realize now is that the Course taught me an important lesson. Do it until it no longer speaks to me, and then do something else. And if I'm listening and hearing, that something else will be a perfect next step.

For the ignored part - in retrospect, I cannot believe that I didn't actively cultivate that "voice" - that clear, direct, inner guidance. I want it back now. Not demanding, but desiring. This blog is being an amazing gift because I am really starting to see what was, what is, and how it's all perfect.